1. Someone who thinks they’re important will say Twitter is dead. They will tweet a link to their reasoning.
2. Jonathan Ross will wake at night wondering why the whole ITV thing never works for him.
3. Compare The Market will make more money from soft toys than insurance.
4. Lorshuggar will be shown an iPhone. He will think it’s a calculator.
5. HMV RIP
6. HM Government will blame cigarettes and the Euro for the fact no-one has a job.
7. The BBC will accidentally broadcast Brass Eye instead of Newsnight. No will notice.
8. Iran invasion undertaken to cheer everyone up.
9. Nation will attempt to recall what a Little Mix was.
10. A correctly deployed apostrophe will be found by archeologists.
11. Train fares will rise by a percentage determined by Eric Pickles waist measurement.
12. Boris Johnson will cease cutting his own hair in the dark. His popularity will plummet.
13. Channel 5 gameshow ‘Burn The Witch’ will be deemed ‘a little tasteless.
14. Evil dictator will go to war with own people. Big boost for British arms industry.
15. Teenagers will be told to ‘finish that last bit of Coca Cola and throw the bottle away’.
16. Phrase ‘Kindle Porn’ will make first appearance.
17. Man watching 3D movie will realise he is merely looking out of the window.
18. 3D RIP
19. Olly Murs will come out. As rubbish.
20. DWP’s ‘Work For Nothing Or Lose A Limb’ scheme will be piloted in Scotland.
1. NHS will say over exposure to Stephen Fry is not healthy for him or us.
2. First clothing download retail website will launch.
3. Man with 20,0000 Facebook accounts will post his status: tired.
4. Consumption of large volumes of alcohol will be blamed for binge drinking.
5. Rioters will demand return of Norden to ‘Alright On The Night’.
6. Hot tears of bitter anger and twisting frustration will be named the ‘new smoky eyes’ by Cosmopolitan.
7. Gordon Brown a breath of fresh air, on reflection – a poll will show.
8. ‘Occupy’ movement will boost the hotel industry.
9. ‘And where there used to be some shops is where the snipers sometimes hide’, Phil Oakey will say.
10. Black Eyed Peas will promise: ’This drivel could last decades’.
11. Britain will win Olympic gold with record breaking leap over the orginal budget.
12. Some bloke will state that Myan legend confirms 2012 will bring an end to the world. Despite our best efforts, he will be wrong.
2. Jonathan Ross will wake at night wondering why the whole ITV thing never works for him.
3. Compare The Market will make more money from soft toys than insurance.
4. Lorshuggar will be shown an iPhone. He will think it’s a calculator.
5. HMV RIP
6. HM Government will blame cigarettes and the Euro for the fact no-one has a job.
7. The BBC will accidentally broadcast Brass Eye instead of Newsnight. No will notice.
8. Iran invasion undertaken to cheer everyone up.
9. Nation will attempt to recall what a Little Mix was.
10. A correctly deployed apostrophe will be found by archeologists.
11. Train fares will rise by a percentage determined by Eric Pickles waist measurement.
12. Boris Johnson will cease cutting his own hair in the dark. His popularity will plummet.
13. Channel 5 gameshow ‘Burn The Witch’ will be deemed ‘a little tasteless.
14. Evil dictator will go to war with own people. Big boost for British arms industry.
15. Teenagers will be told to ‘finish that last bit of Coca Cola and throw the bottle away’.
16. Phrase ‘Kindle Porn’ will make first appearance.
17. Man watching 3D movie will realise he is merely looking out of the window.
18. 3D RIP
19. Olly Murs will come out. As rubbish.
20. DWP’s ‘Work For Nothing Or Lose A Limb’ scheme will be piloted in Scotland.
1. NHS will say over exposure to Stephen Fry is not healthy for him or us.
2. First clothing download retail website will launch.
3. Man with 20,0000 Facebook accounts will post his status: tired.
4. Consumption of large volumes of alcohol will be blamed for binge drinking.
5. Rioters will demand return of Norden to ‘Alright On The Night’.
6. Hot tears of bitter anger and twisting frustration will be named the ‘new smoky eyes’ by Cosmopolitan.
7. Gordon Brown a breath of fresh air, on reflection – a poll will show.
8. ‘Occupy’ movement will boost the hotel industry.
9. ‘And where there used to be some shops is where the snipers sometimes hide’, Phil Oakey will say.
10. Black Eyed Peas will promise: ’This drivel could last decades’.
11. Britain will win Olympic gold with record breaking leap over the orginal budget.
12. Some bloke will state that Myan legend confirms 2012 will bring an end to the world. Despite our best efforts, he will be wrong.
