It really gets up my nose when some Charlie Big Potatoes from the creative industry blogs, tweets or posts about some exotic location they’re visiting. They disguise the mention of Antigua or Paris with a dubious link to some project or other, but they actually just want you to know they’re living it up abroad. And you’re not.
Well, it used to annoy me – but now, not so much. Because now, I’ve embraced gross hypocrisy in order to report that I’m delivering this piece from a rented apartment in Kissimmee, Florida. I’m here partly to do some writing, but mainly to have a holiday and show off.
Anyway, it seems the least I can do is share a few Floridian observations with you before I return to my iced tea and 32 rolling weather channels.
Food
It’s difficult to describe exactly how much food is available in this state. If you think those British, all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets are a bit indulgent, this place would utterly terrify you before giving you weapons-grade dyspepsia and arteries more furry than a Yeti’s muffler.
It’s as if, having built Disney World, they realised they had a few square miles left over and decided to find out how many eateries it would take to make an entire population clinically obese. The exact number has never been revealed, but they certainly succeeded.
Oh and Dr. Pepper fizzy pop flows freely from the bathroom taps.
Religious broadcasting
There was once an hilarious sketch which featured an evangelical preacher appearing in a TV show to promote his ‘pay for pray’ service. The pay off comes when he tells us that for the next 24 hours, as an offer, $100 gets you five prayers rather than the usual three and a credit card hotline scrolls across the foot of the screen. Only it wasn’t a vintage sketch. No, it’s a genuine, TV show running right now in America. It’s not a sketch, and I for one am hugely impressed by the level of gullibility ensuring this sort of thing is profitable.
Abercrombie and Fitch
For the uninitiated (like me), A&F is an American clothes store. But it‘s much, much more than that. You see, A&F is a ‘concept brand’. It’s a label reserved for kids with a level of archness, cool and mystique usually reserved for obscure Scandinavian DJs and Darth Vader. And to confirm this unrivalled status, they refuse to do anything as obvious as displaying their outfits in the windows of their stores, instead completely obscuring them with black venetian blinds and preventing any view of the merchandise or indeed the store. I did glance through the door and was doubly impressed to note that not only was the interior in almost complete darkness but was filled with slightly too loud hip-hop. This is anti-marketing so audacious and arrogant, it’s actually quite attractive.
However, in a flash of self-awareness, it dawned on me I was just a smidgeon too old to be a member of Abercrombie’s target market and scuttled off to buy a cinnamon pretzel.
Advertising
There was a time when American advertising could reasonably be described as the complete opposite of British advertising. You see, US ads are all about direct response not endearing characters and whimsy. There are only two kinds of advertisers here: healthcare and naturally, restaurants – and they all take the same approach. A problem is established (heart disease, depression, feeling hungry) and solved either by a wonder drug or a waffle. No fancy metaphors, no brand awareness work, no meerkats, just raw, naked selling. Plus a big old call to action.
But as time and recessions have advanced, Brit advertising has become less imaginative and therefore more American. Thought provoking, witty and progressive work is an indulgence clients feel they can seldom afford, subtlety is a luxury, but regardless of the economic climate, US advertising has always been this way. Fortunately, we’re still some way off professional surgeons fronting campaigns for their skills with the knife in your innards, which is showing as I type.
Root beer
When McDonalds first arrived in the UK, you may recall they offered four soft drinks: Fanta, Coke, Diet Coke and root beer. But as soon as they realised there was only one person in whole of the nation ordering the rooty stuff (me), they withdrew it. Well, I’m delighted to report this potion is still very popular over here. If you’ve never tasted it, it’s important to stress it has nothing in common with beer, other than being a liquid. It’s the same colour as cola but slightly more frothy and contains no alcohol or caffeine. Root beer tastes exactly like Coke with a healthy slug of surgical spirit or cough mixture. Incredibly, it’s utterly delicious.
Disney
My apartment is about half a mile from the Magic Kingdom (at about 9.00pm every night we hear the fireworks, but by the magic of The Mouse they are invisible to non-paying bystanders). In this part of Orlando, Disney is king. The supermarkets – which are the size of aircraft hangers for giants – offer Chip n Dale socks and Donald caps alongside the peanut butter and pizzas (also designed for the average dinosaur).
Today is my wife’s birthday, so resistance is futile and we are spending the day with the two mice, the duck, the dog and whatever Goofy is supposed to be.
So I’ll raise a root beer to everyone at Creativepool and our smashing readers and feel more than a little disappointed that next week I’ll be writing the blog in Derbyshire.
C’mon Pluto …
Well, it used to annoy me – but now, not so much. Because now, I’ve embraced gross hypocrisy in order to report that I’m delivering this piece from a rented apartment in Kissimmee, Florida. I’m here partly to do some writing, but mainly to have a holiday and show off.
Anyway, it seems the least I can do is share a few Floridian observations with you before I return to my iced tea and 32 rolling weather channels.
Food
It’s difficult to describe exactly how much food is available in this state. If you think those British, all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets are a bit indulgent, this place would utterly terrify you before giving you weapons-grade dyspepsia and arteries more furry than a Yeti’s muffler.
It’s as if, having built Disney World, they realised they had a few square miles left over and decided to find out how many eateries it would take to make an entire population clinically obese. The exact number has never been revealed, but they certainly succeeded.
Oh and Dr. Pepper fizzy pop flows freely from the bathroom taps.
Religious broadcasting
There was once an hilarious sketch which featured an evangelical preacher appearing in a TV show to promote his ‘pay for pray’ service. The pay off comes when he tells us that for the next 24 hours, as an offer, $100 gets you five prayers rather than the usual three and a credit card hotline scrolls across the foot of the screen. Only it wasn’t a vintage sketch. No, it’s a genuine, TV show running right now in America. It’s not a sketch, and I for one am hugely impressed by the level of gullibility ensuring this sort of thing is profitable.
Abercrombie and Fitch
For the uninitiated (like me), A&F is an American clothes store. But it‘s much, much more than that. You see, A&F is a ‘concept brand’. It’s a label reserved for kids with a level of archness, cool and mystique usually reserved for obscure Scandinavian DJs and Darth Vader. And to confirm this unrivalled status, they refuse to do anything as obvious as displaying their outfits in the windows of their stores, instead completely obscuring them with black venetian blinds and preventing any view of the merchandise or indeed the store. I did glance through the door and was doubly impressed to note that not only was the interior in almost complete darkness but was filled with slightly too loud hip-hop. This is anti-marketing so audacious and arrogant, it’s actually quite attractive.
However, in a flash of self-awareness, it dawned on me I was just a smidgeon too old to be a member of Abercrombie’s target market and scuttled off to buy a cinnamon pretzel.
Advertising
There was a time when American advertising could reasonably be described as the complete opposite of British advertising. You see, US ads are all about direct response not endearing characters and whimsy. There are only two kinds of advertisers here: healthcare and naturally, restaurants – and they all take the same approach. A problem is established (heart disease, depression, feeling hungry) and solved either by a wonder drug or a waffle. No fancy metaphors, no brand awareness work, no meerkats, just raw, naked selling. Plus a big old call to action.
But as time and recessions have advanced, Brit advertising has become less imaginative and therefore more American. Thought provoking, witty and progressive work is an indulgence clients feel they can seldom afford, subtlety is a luxury, but regardless of the economic climate, US advertising has always been this way. Fortunately, we’re still some way off professional surgeons fronting campaigns for their skills with the knife in your innards, which is showing as I type.
Root beer
When McDonalds first arrived in the UK, you may recall they offered four soft drinks: Fanta, Coke, Diet Coke and root beer. But as soon as they realised there was only one person in whole of the nation ordering the rooty stuff (me), they withdrew it. Well, I’m delighted to report this potion is still very popular over here. If you’ve never tasted it, it’s important to stress it has nothing in common with beer, other than being a liquid. It’s the same colour as cola but slightly more frothy and contains no alcohol or caffeine. Root beer tastes exactly like Coke with a healthy slug of surgical spirit or cough mixture. Incredibly, it’s utterly delicious.
Disney
My apartment is about half a mile from the Magic Kingdom (at about 9.00pm every night we hear the fireworks, but by the magic of The Mouse they are invisible to non-paying bystanders). In this part of Orlando, Disney is king. The supermarkets – which are the size of aircraft hangers for giants – offer Chip n Dale socks and Donald caps alongside the peanut butter and pizzas (also designed for the average dinosaur).
Today is my wife’s birthday, so resistance is futile and we are spending the day with the two mice, the duck, the dog and whatever Goofy is supposed to be.
So I’ll raise a root beer to everyone at Creativepool and our smashing readers and feel more than a little disappointed that next week I’ll be writing the blog in Derbyshire.
C’mon Pluto …
