Bob's rankle

"There has always been crap pop music. I remember when we had all the crap boybands in the 90s - stuff like that has always been around. The lack of money in the music industry created a crisis. Record companies don't have the resources to take a gamble, so these pop stars are created by committee."

That's Brett Anderson of Suede. He was speaking to The Sun (I know) about the late nineties and the ludicrously named Britpop. Always a provocative bugger, Brett will be delighted to know his opinions have stirred up a hornet's nest, particularly as they appear to be swarming in the head of Robbie Williams.

Where the heart is ...

You may have noticed Marissa Mayer, the CEO of Yahoo!, kicking up some dust last month, when she announced a complete ban on working from home. This, she claimed, was to encourage collaborative working and collective thinking. However, there was a paranoid undercurrent as she noted the alarming number of Yahoo! employees leaving to start their own companies after periods of home working.

This is a recurring debate. Indeed, many sectors have never really embraced the concept of remote employment. After all, you'd look long and hard before you found an insurance or retail business which allowed the practice. But I think it was the creative nature of Yahoo! that caused the stir - because it's just the sort of outfit you'd expect to encourage flexible or informal working.

So does this spell the end of 'working from home' (WFH)? Because the signs aren't particularly encouraging.

Out of site

At yesterday's Social Media World Forum, Dominic Burch - Head of Communications and Social Media for ASDA - said “Stop thinking about websites - they’re dead – just think about the content and getting that right for mobile.

As reported on The Drum, he went on to say “For us everything is mobile-first from a content perspective. If it doesn’t work on mobile – go home. If the video doesn’t load, the content doesn’t look right or the photos are too big -if I can’t see it on my mobile devices it’s a waste of time.”
Does he have a point? Are websites really pushing up the daisies?

Feel The Hepburn

We like Galaxy chocolate bars, I think we're all agreed on that. Lovely, creamy, sugary sledges of tooth rotting gorgeousness, all bundled in delightfully gold foil - wonderful stuff. Mind you, we shouldn't be surprised we think this way, because for the last few years, the Galaxy people have been telling us what to think.

Remember that ad which ran rather too frequently? The one with the Naomi Campbell lookalike (without the telephonic violence), discovering her hoard of milky bricks have been devoured by her, frankly selfish, flatmates? Relieved by the secret stash in her jewellery box, like a booze-hound with a gin bottle in the cistern? You know the one. Well, the strapline was 'Think hiding it. Think Galaxy'.
Leaving aside the rather clunky grammar in the pay-off, I could never really see the message the ad was peddling. Unless they were suggesting that hiding choccy around your flat, in order to feast on it when alone, will result in a willowy figure and model-like features. Which it most assuredly will not.

Time for a re-think - and here it comes. The new Galaxy spot is on our screens right now and it takes a completely different tack. Interestingly, it's even more perplexing.

Flip Flop

In 1994 the Def Jam label released their best selling single to date - Warren G and Nate Dogg's 'Regulate'. From the soundtrack of the long-forgotten movie 'Above The Rim', it's a troublingly enthusiastic celebration of base sexism, violent murder, firearms and gangster culture.

Juvenile and loaded with depressing machismo, the song relates the events of an imagined night wherein Dogg rescues G from a robbery at a dice game ('They took my rings / They took my Rolex'). As you might expect, the rescue concludes with Warren and Nate shooting everybody dead. Handily, a group of girls - who, according to the lyric, are 'skirts' and 'hookers' - are so impressed by all this death, they tumble into the arms of the tooled-up duo and the lot of them head off to the Eastside Motel. 

To say I find this kind of gangster hip-hop solipsism shocking would be to overstate the case. It just strikes me as horribly tiresome, possibly harmful and ultimately rather pathetic. So you'd imagine I'd have little hesitation in dismissing the entire enterprise as nothing better than thick-headed braggadocio. But I can't.

An open letter to young folk ...

Dear Young People,

'Young People'? Bloody hell, that's a bit patronising, mate. Yes, yes it is. And worse, this entire letter is going to come off the same way. But I'm going to write it anyway.

You see, I know you're spending a lot of your free time 'hanging around'. I know because I've watched endless news reports on the subject and I've seen it for myself. But this isn't a sanctimonious lecture and I'm not a miserable old duffer who thinks you're up to no good. In fact, I'm glad you get together to 'hang about'. It's a time honoured youthful tradition. I did it and know its importance is only lost on those unwilling or unable to recall their younger, better days. I'm not here to incinerate your dreams on the altar of unpaid work schemes or to insist you jump through flaming hoops in pursuit of non-existent jobs, either. Heaven knows, there 's an overflow of 'adults' clamouring to do that. Perish the thought I would join them.

I've heard you say there's 'nothing to do' - and I've heard that turned against you. It's a shame governments local and national don't take you seriously. They should. Because I'm guessing you'd rather not stand in the freezing drizzle, sharing ciggies and drinks.

I can't fix that, but I can make a suggestion. Have you thought about getting into music?

Hot to trot

I remember when the 3 mobile network was the new kid on the 3G block (will there be a 4 network soon, I wonder?). Keen to make its mark in a crowded marketplace, the brand introduced itself with a rather brave TV campaign.

I say brave, 'bewildering' may be more accurate. While it is admittedly important to launch a new service with some memorable and striking marketing, these spots took that need to quite a ridiculous extreme. The first ad introduced us a giant jellyfish, discovered in the desert by two Chinese cowboys (stay with me). Taking the invertebrate back to their apartment, they ply it with moonshine causing it to glow and grow. And, other than the line 'We like to share. Welcome to our network.' that's it. No explanation, no selling points, no voice over.

But that wasn't an end to the mystification. Next came the singing cherry. That's right, a cherry. Singing.

What did you just call me?

Have you used your Tripod today? How about your Mobi? There's a very good chance you have, but you knew it as your iPhone. It seems the obvious name for Apple's mobile handset doesn't it? After all, they already the iPod and its companion iTunes software were already available - so when Apple created a phone, you'd imagine iPhone would have been the natural name.
But in information just released, the fruity firm have admitted they were tempted by monikers like TelePad, Tri-Pod and Mobi, before arriving at the handle we know and love.

The process of naming a company, product or service can be very protracted. I was once tasked with branding a new line of catering bacon (it's all glamour in the copywriting game). The project lasted about ten days, and in that time I counted over 180 suggestions on my notepad. These resulted from at least five, drawn-out meetings and several telephone conversations with the client.

For professional reasons it would be unfair of me to reveal the eventual selection, but it wasn't too far from 'Professional Catering Bacon'. That final choice wasn't on my list and had been 'invented' by the client. A lot of fuss, effort and money for a fairly dismal outcome. And I suspect this isn't an uncommon routine.

Twist and shout

Just occasionally, a town is handed an eternally perfect logo or brand - not by an advertising agency, but by the coincidence of historical event and the foibles of nature. Chesterfield in North East Derbyshire is just such a place.

Chesterfield sits 24 miles to the north of Derby, at the point the river Rother meets the Hipper. It was handed its market charter as long ago as 1204 and continues to host the largest open air market in Britain. Located very close to the centre of the town, overlooking the stalls, is the parish church of Saint Mary and All Saints and it's this venerable structure which gives Chesterfield its indomitable brand. If I tell you its nickname is 'The Twisted Spire', you'll begin to understand why.

Actually, the church's spire was added to the original, 14th century tower in 1362. Exactly when it gained its misshapen outline, is less certain.

Two's company

Well, this should be fun. A column about poo (rather than one made up of it, which isn't unusual). You see, you're already wondering whether you really want to read on - and I don't blame you, who wants to read about that? Exactly. But don't blame me, blame advertising. They started it.

Dawn Porter, princess of the inappropriate (I seem to recall her going to bed with a lady to see if she'd become gay on one of her shows), has taken the Andrex shilling to promote their new range of moist bum wipes - and is actually talking about pooing in the ads.