The good book

Here’s a problem which only came to my attention this week. Actually I think it has been lingering in the back of my mind for a couple of decades, but it only came into focus a couple of days ago.

Because I write columns here and elsewhere, I occasionally receive questions from folk aspiring to be copywriters. I’m happy to help when I can, but when someone emailed me asking how they should present their copy portfolio, I was almost stumped.

There is an obvious answer and I almost gave it. But suddenly ‘Put your ten best pieces of work in an art folder with transparent, removable pouches’ didn’t make much sense. There’s a reason those things (and I have a few of them) are sold in art shops. Because they’re perfectly designed for transporting and displaying artwork. Now granted, print advertisements tend to involve artwork, but a copywriter isn’t selling layouts, he or she is selling … you’re ahead of me here … copy. Unfortunately it’s human nature to judge a piece of creative work in its entirety. If a copywriter reveals some beautifully crafted prose that just happens to be sitting in a rather mundane layout, it risks losing some of its allure. So why haul a dozen full-design spreads around?

Fast forward

Watching the ridiculously good ‘Homeland’ last week, I was struck by how absorbed and tense I was – transfixed as Carrie ducked and hid to avoid her pursuers in the alleyways of Beirut. The aroma of exotic spices, heat and sandy dust almost filled my nostrils. By the time she made it back to Sol’s safe-house, I was only connected to the edge of the sofa by a millimetre. In fact, the only thing keeping me from complete emergence in the action and emotion was the spectacular frequency of the ad breaks. Fortunately, I wasn’t watching in real time and could easily skip through the commercials, picking up on the story at the other side. The spell was broken, but at least I wasn’t unduly inconvenienced.

So I have to wonder who was being served by those nuisance advertisements? Not me. They were an irritation, an itch to be scratched, a fly to be stomped. Nor the advertiser, because I didn’t see the ads in anything more than a x32 blur. They had no chance. Not the producers of the show, as their tightly plotted and expensively shot show was less impressive thanks to the breaks. Only Channel 4 had anything to gain: the fees collected from the advertisers. There is clearly something wrong with this model.

Out of sight.

Working in an ad agency in Fleet Street in 1995, I was called into a first-floor office to be shown something very impressive – an email account. Visually it was quite modest, just some browser windows with names and messages in columns. But in practical terms it was a revelation. The MD’s researcher, who had been granted ownership of this system, demonstrated its ability to send a typed message, in real-time, from her computer to any other connected machine in the world. Heady stuff.

A few weeks later, at a friend’s office, I was shown a picture of the Pet Shop Boys downloading very, very slowly from the internet. It was coming from a server ‘somewhere in the world’, I was told. Incredible.

No love lost

Okay, well this is awkward. I’m going to write about a new piece of technology, but it will involve some intimate body stuff. I’m pre-supposing you guys are broad-minded enough to handle references to sexy-time, but I’m a card-carrying, awkward, repressed Englishman – and this is a decent, upstanding website. So I’ll need to deploy some hefty euphemism to get us through this column and if you’re okay with that, then I am too. Anyone distressed by the whole physical functionality thing, look away now. Everyone else, hold on tight.

Automatic.

The last time I worked on a major print campaign, we employed a piece of software to automate the production process. It was a clever bit of kit. Once the parameters had been set by a designer (ad sizes, logo clearance, calls to action etc.) a mouse click would set the entire campaign rolling. Once the ads were complete, it would check them and dispatch them to the appropriate publications. In essence, it replaced several production artworkers with an algorithm. It’s splendid technology – unless you happen to be a production artworker, I suppose.

Sets & violins

A string section isn't enough. Everyone from The Beatles to Manic Street Preachers has used a string section at one time or another. No, to be considered 'symphonic rock' one must actively write rock music in the manner of a classical composer, then perform or record it alongside a full symphony orchestra. Aficionados are very precise and strict on this definition.

Fortunately, two current albums will surely pass muster. One, called 'Three Fates', is a project from Keith Emerson and is available now. The other, 'Concerto For Group and Orchestra' - is a recreation of the Deep Purple work by the late Jon Lord and friends, slated for a pre-Christmas release. For devotees of the genre, these are significant pieces indeed. The question is, in a world over-populated with X-Factor winners and R&B superheroes, can these progressive rock albums have any relevance? And, what's more, are they any good?