Life's a pitch

“We’ll take a short break now and give you a chance to spread your legs.”

Thus an Account Manager ensured one particular new business presentation would haunt her for many years to come.

The last decade has seen the advertising business change in almost every way, but some things remain evergreen – and the live pitch is one of them. It is the opportunity to flash your creative colours, reveal your bedazzling personality and stun with your finely honed strategy. But here also lies the possibility of shame, embarrassment and humiliation.

It’s business as sport and losing is all too easy.

What follows is a collection of pitch anecdotes I carry with me to enliven dull dinner parties and scare the living daylights out of interns. All these things happened and I was either present or close enough to the event to vouch for their veracity. 

Demanding branding

As BP’s stricken rig barfed over 2000 barrels of oil a day into the Gulf of Mexico for the best part of a month, some wag suggested pouring gallons of vinegar into the ocean to create the world’s largest salad dressing. But that’s probably the extent of the levity to be drawn from the situation – because alongside the black stuff, the UK oil giant has been pumping its reputation away at a similar rate. And as any marketing professional will tell you, brand is reputation, reputation is brand.

Not so simples

As with so many wonderful things, the Meerkat was first introduced to us by Sir David Attenborough. In the 1980s documentary ‘Meerkats United’ we discovered they are not cats, they reach sexual maturity aged one and they ‘speak’ to each other. It wasn’t necessary to point out that they are almost unbearably sweet and cartoon-like. 20 odd years ago, Sir David would hardly have imagined this sub-species of the mongoose would be the star of one the most successful and memorable advertising campaigns of the noughties. And yet, they are.

Feathering the nest

Would you like to own Twitter? I’m not selling it or anything, so don’t reach for your cheque book just yet. But if you were richer than golden syrup, I’m guessing you might be tempted. Only, here’s a note of caution – Twitter has yet to make a penny in profit.